They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
