So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
