I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
