took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
