i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
