9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
