Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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