I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
