I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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