This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
