Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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