I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
