wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
