You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
