I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
