what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you had me at cake vodka
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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