she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
