Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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