My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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