Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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