I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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