i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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