It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
