Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
