I puked a lego.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize