I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
