I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
