PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
