her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
