sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
