I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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