Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
