we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
