can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
