Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize