I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
