you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
