I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
