Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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