i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
