And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
