sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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