he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
