man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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