i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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