I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
