Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
