11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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