She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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