This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
