If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
