so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
