woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
