Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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