When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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