That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
