The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
