I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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