You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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