Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
