just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize