Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
