I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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