I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
